Ah Thanksgiving! The one time of the year where people think of all the things they’re thankful for and then painstakingly list them on social media. But thankfulness isn’t something to take lightly; after all, no one like compulsive complainers, so I have compiled for you all a list of some of the top things that I, personally, am thankful for:
1. GPS systems. This is number one on my list because if it wasn’t for the joint effort between the map app on my phone and my Garmin, named Steve, I would still be driving around trying to find Mooreland….who am I kidding…I’d still be trying to find my house. I probably shouldn’t be admitting this to the world but if you haven’t noticed already, I am possibly the most directionally challenged person ever to attempt life. If I can determine which direction is up, then it’s a good day. But I always have to have a backup system incase Steve decides to take me down creepy winding dirt roads with no end before shutting down dramatically, leaving me sitting in my car and trying to figure out how long I could make my bag of trail mix last. In this particular instance, I was able to drive around aimlessly until I found cell phone service, then used my iPhone to map my way into Pampa. Yes, I was trying to get from Woodward to Pampa. Haha. Hannah’s so special.
2. The Twitter app. I know you’ve all experienced this scenario: You’re casually walking to class whenever you notice someone else coming directly towards you. You awkwardly make eye contact and it’s clear that the other person isn’t going to be the first to look away. So where do you look? Up? Too weird. Down? You could run into something. So you pull out your phone, pull up Twitter, and BAM! Awkward situation avoided.
3. Can openers. Because, seriously, have you ever tried to open a can without one? Last time I attempted such a feat, it required two knives, a pair of tweezers, a hammer, and two Band-Aids. It’s probably easier to lick your elbow…and that’s physically impossible.
4. Fingers. I lived an entire month without fingers this summer and let me tell you, trying to shave your legs using only your elbows is not pleasant.
5. Texting. Cause my voice sounds really obnoxious from the other end of a phone.
6. Mutant zombie dogs with rabies and YOLO tattoos. I have to have something I dislike more than my philosophy teacher.
7. Wikipedia. Because nothing is more fun when you’re bored than rewriting Wikipedia articles to say that King tut had a pet smurf who was burned at the stake for being a ginger. Yeah. I live life large.
8. Bobby pins. If there was no such thing as bobby pins, I would probably shave my head. And I just would not be attractive as a bald.
9. Underwear. A world that’s all commando? No thanks.
10. Lortab. Because that’s how you turn a broken sternum into the best month of your life.
11. Tweezers. Without these precious little tools, everyone would have eyebrows like Robert Patterson. And if that was the case, there would be no reproducing and humanity would die out.
12. Al Gore. He just makes for really great jokes.
13. Scissors. When you’re living in the dorms, sometimes the laundry room gets a bit intense.
14. Toothpaste. I find dental hygiene extremely important.
15. Eyelids. Imagine a world where no one has eyelids…that’s freaky stuff, man.
16. Museums. Because museums are the absolute most wonderful places in the world.
17. Ginger hipsters. Bahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
18. Water. For obvious reasons.
19. Oxygen. For even more obvious reasons.
20. The Hemsworth brothers. For most obvious reasons.
But in all seriousness, God has blessed me incredibly with a wonderful, quirky family, opportunities for education, an amazing job that I love whole-heartedly, wonderful friends that are always there for me and even save my life on occasion. But most of all, I’m so thankful that Thanksgiving is over and everyone will stop posting all their thankfulness on Facebook.